Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
