so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
