He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
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