Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
