ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
