Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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