After last night, I could never be a politician.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.