she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.