i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
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You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
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I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms