This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
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I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
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When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.