Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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