so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS