I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night