I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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