3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
