His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
