I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize