The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
