apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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