My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
