Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
