Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
