Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
