why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
