Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
