I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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