I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I have tasted many bathrooms
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