for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
