So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
