I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
