What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
