I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
