I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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