This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
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I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
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Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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