You really coming over, don't trick.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
