you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
