I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
