She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
