I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
