Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
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