Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
