I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
