the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
People with herpes should wear stickers.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
