Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
