If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I looked at my own cervix.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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