So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
