Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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