I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I think I just sharted jello shots
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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