Just fell off a train. Bad.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
