May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I just blew my weed a kiss
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
