Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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