we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
