just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Randomize
