also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize