youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
