i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
