Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
