I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
do herpes really smell.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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