small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Boobs speak an international language.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
