I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
