Already got asked if we're dating
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
