chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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