She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
