i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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