come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
