the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
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