If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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