is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
