so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
