it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
