You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
