marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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