and next time when you feel me up, do it right
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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