that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Randomize
