So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
